Outta Place

all my life ive always felt outta place....like no one understood me. for these past couple holidays ive been alone and even when i try to hook up with other families i feel like im over staying my welcome...i dont feel comfortable...ive always felt lonely i try to open up to others and let them in but then i immediatly shut them out without even knowing im doin it...i really dont trust people at all...i dont know how to love and frankly dont want to...it hurts....i cry...now what? i dont have friends by choice...