Someone like you...

adaptation

Looking over past post....you would think I'm all f'd up inside...its probably tru...oh well. I realize some stuff I really desire aren't provided in my current environment. Every surrounding provides something for the soul...my current place has brought on much maturity...I hate it yet love it at the same time. Ive connected with people that have stripped something i didnt need or nutured something that was dormit...

no more...

i dont think i have anymore to give...

Joy I'll always love you...I wish I could be there everyday with you...I'm sorry that I'm not...I know you'll be awesome...and like your mother says...dont grow up to be like me...be greater...

Alex...even though we hound you all the time about gettin ya grades up...I'm still proud of you regardless... dont get caught up with those girls...always remember to focus on you 1st. Keep God 1st ALWAYs. I love you

do you?

Ooh, youre searching for something I know, wont make you happy
Ooh, youre thirsting for something I know, wont make you happy
Ooh, you did it all again, you broke another skin
Its hard to believe this time, hard to believe
That my heart, my hearts an open door... See More
You got all you came for, baby
So weary, someone to love is bigger than your prides worth
Is bigger than the pain you got for it hurts
And out runs all of the sadness
Its terrifying, life, through the darkness
And Id do it all again, Id do it all again
Id do it all again, Id do it all again
You try sometimes but it wont stop
You got my heart and my heads lost, ooh yeah
Ive been burning down these candles for love, for love
So weary, someone to love is bigger than your pride
Ooh, someone to love, mm, someone to love
Someone to love
Ooh, youre searching for something I know, wont make you happy
Ooh

Dying...

im beyond exhausted...
everynight since i was 9 i pray that someone would love me...ever since neither parents wanted me and kicked me out age fuckin age 9 i always wanted some one to love me...i wanted someone to care and not lie to me...so i thought well if i show that love to others maybe they'll show it back....back everytime i did....i got kicked deeper and deeper into the ground...knowin no one gives a fuck about you doesnt make you stronger it just kills you slowly on the inside...

i dont want half ass love....i want 100% from the jump....why does it always have to be me that cares the most that gets done wrong the most....why would you want to hurt someone who loves you...why do you wanna hurt me...

all i have been is honest....from the beginning....i cared from the beginning....i loved from the beginning...Love will be the death of me

and yet another bitch...

you continue to make an ass of me.... I'm big on loyalty...but once its out the window....I don't trust ever again....I feel like I'm constantly putting myself out there...and then I tumble along some bullshit and you smile in my fuckin face like I don't know what is goin on.... I regre the day I took a chance on you ...I shoulda been like the rest of them and turned my back on you.

ever wonder if your opinion really ever counts? Or is it people just hearing you out in order to be politically correct...but really not giving 2 ish...I believe its the later

sooo...things are def different in our relationship...i love him whole heartily...its crazy when he is out or whatever im at total peace. When he is around im content...he makes me feel so good and loved. i know there will be bumps ahead but they'll come and go. we are are very resistant to ignorance....i understand him and i hope he gets me...i feel like an unofficial wife cleaning and cookin for him....im def trippin....lol...shake it off ATL....get it together.

Outta Place

all my life ive always felt outta place....like no one understood me. for these past couple holidays ive been alone and even when i try to hook up with other families i feel like im over staying my welcome...i dont feel comfortable...ive always felt lonely i try to open up to others and let them in but then i immediatly shut them out without even knowing im doin it...i really dont trust people at all...i dont know how to love and frankly dont want to...it hurts....i cry...now what? i dont have friends by choice...

De (racial) ilaztion = the new black or white!?

This is sad but yet our new reality....smh. I love my chocolate skin and i love whatever skin you are in. Don't change!

fuck you

lotta shit on my mind...and i keep reachin out to folk...i hate bein alone in this state of mind. i need people around me to keep my mind off of it. i get the usual oh it'll be ok and then they'll go back to their own lives and that just irks me even more. right now i just dont wanna be around anyone who doesnt want to be around me...i fuckin hate when people need me im there but i gotta beg for some type of comfort in my time of need....i fuckin hate this shit. i feel so by myself with this thing...when situations like this pop up madd emotions from other things still pending pop up. im really exhausted.

nuff said...

September 18...

You Are a Chief
...You are a cohesive force - able to bring many people together for a common cause.
...You tend to excel in work situations, but you also facilitate a lot of social gatherings too.
...Beyond being a good leader, you are good at inspiring others.
...You also keep your powerful emotions in check - you know when to emote and when to repress.

Your strength: Emotional maturity beyond your years

Your weakness: Wearing yourself down with too many responsibilities

Your power color: Crimson red

Your power symbol: Snowflake

Your power month: September

dollhouse

i stumbled across this video early today....i love the range of this girls voice....but the meaning of the song sums up my feelings i had of a past relationship. very happy im out of it now ya know...have a good day :)



i love the part when she says she is so glad she kept the reciept...i always keep the receipt...lol

SLideShow

so this video...


is by far one of my favorite songs....i know my life isnt over but yet just getting started....im so eagered and hungry about the possibilities out there that i want to excel in...i take it to the extreme im up sometimes late at night tryna think of new ways to achieve things....ima true believer in thinkin outside the box...yea i wanna give up but my heart won't let me....ive lost sight of somethings i thought were dreams but they werent dreams...but just an easy way out....i dont want the easy way out i want to make a difference in people lives i dont wanna go outta here just easing by...i fought to hard to allow nothing to become of it.

Lord i know this journey will be a lonely one but i'm willing to do this thing....ive already dropped so many people and feel like another season of cutting dead weight off is coming soon....catering to others does indeed hinder me....but Lord im ready to step into the blessings that were prophesied over my life....i always wondered why i go through things i go through... Lord you know my heart when my eyes are swollen from tears because sometimes i cant fathom why i go through the things i go through....why all the hurt Lord....why me...but Jesus felt the same way....i have to go through this in order to be the light for someone else...i thank you for finding me strong enough to be a vessel for you...

I realized some of the greatest people in history...took the 'road less traveled' alone.

so frusturated...

i feel like I'm in the land of mediocrity....someone save me...bored outta my mind...you ever feel like your mind just wastes away when its not stimulated....i feel like im wasting....i love music...the arts....technology....museums...zoo's anything trivial i love and crave it....thats the reason why i have 125 iq....i live and breath this stuff and it seems as if no one else does. i need to reside in a thriving city living and breathing with creativity and possibility...everyone wants to be boo'd up or shop all day or tv watch all day or sleep all day....what the hell...why? people always wonder why i have so much energy? well why dont you? people have stopped hanging out with me because i was so energetic....well take you half past dead ass somewhere and go wither away....i got ish to do...and im ready to do it!

...maintainin me..

Still focused on my plan at hand....its gonna take a lot of hard work but I'm willing to go thru it...a diamond has to go thru a lot before it can be put on display. Letting go of a dead end job to make room for things i have interest in. Not holding my dreams or myself back from what i finally want to do...and apparently others arent either. but i have grown so much during my college years that i thank GOD im not the naive person i used to be...nowadays you gotta have tough skin...and things bothering me becomes a silly memory of the past. new beginnings are in the near future...i just gotta make sure i dont bring old raggedy stuff into a beautiful place :)

ATL I'm sorry....forgive me

I just have to apologize to myself for allowing things to go down that never should have happened...if its balme i'll take it....baby we gone make it through...

I feel awesome...back on track. Reconnect with my dreams and aspirations. I felt bad because the future but my goals are back. My goals for my career....my social life... my family...my relationship. I know what I want and taking the steps to get their...making big girl decisions :) More focused on self than others and thats how I want it to be. Get ATL together before I take over the world...I work for a great company...my grades are looking beautiful...I have a new circle of friends whom I know have my back...I use more wisdom before I speak...I become a more virtous woman...who before she turns 30 will have reached majority of her goals. Husbands and kids/dogs will come when the time is right with the right person and together we will be in tune and focused.

.sidenote. i ran into an older couple today at work they had to be in their 80s or something and they were soo funny and full of life and i realized i want my realtionship to be like that at that age...lol...they were too cute

It took some time and heartache to get here but I wouldnt change it for the world.



ReDISCOVERD xo

realization...

...so i got another one of those itches i cant scratch.....and i ponder on it more when im alone....being alone with your thoughts is scary at times....but there is something about this itch and i haven't had one in awhile....but its different from the ones i had in the past....like something is missing....this thing isnt complete and this itch is nagging as helll to the point where it angers me at times...WHAT THE HELL IS IT...i dont know and thats what gets me....but then i think about it from another perspective and what if i do know but just dont want to accept it....maybe thats it...maybe im my own itch :/

will i?

am i ready for this part of my life?

do i still want to hang on to this?

will i ever have answers to my questions?

.....thats life

blank

so im posting from the cell....im tired but not sleepy.

ever feel out of your element....always up against an opposition but yet you hold back just to make everyone else happy but you yourself arent?

it sux..

ever wonder why you put up with stuff...are the people you compromise for worth compromising for?

..

Done...

...with leechers
...negativity

Overdue Notice

Dear MCL (Mr.CUM LauDe),
I sit here and i think about us...and i love you....i know i over analyze things and i will break down a sentence to a tee...but thats just me. (thanks for your patience) i know sometimes i have my playful moments where i will be all over you like a brand new puppy you just brought home and you will get sooo mad because youare tryin to sleep....but one thing i do know is you still take it (thanks for being patient) there are times where we will plan on going somewhere and you will be like "meet me downstairs in 5 mins....and i come down 10 mins later (thanks for being patient)
...

i know i can be an assjerkbitch and im not afraid to admit that...i always tell you that it takes a strong person to be with me....and you been doin a pretty good job for goin on 2yrs now...im always waiting on ya to f up becuz of past relationships....but i realize that its not in you...you are a good guy

...

you are a best friend indeed...we have a love/hate/competitive relationship that just works....people on the outside looking end will never get us or why we put up with each other....heck sometimes we dont even know....but one thing is tru we are in our own lil world....we know each others thoughts and we finish each others sentences...

ilove to argue with you
ilove to joke with you
ilove to be with you
ilove to miss you
ilove the things we do
iloveyou

(ps i hope i dont regret this post)

the little things...

what things make you happy? for me its always the little things that stand out more than the larger...but when i think about it....is it the little things that bother me also? i think so.

...you can have one penny....but if you have many...they add up

The Little Things


still waiting on something sobeautiful....

...tru beauty...

Music Videos - Video Playlists - New Music

....i just want something sobeautiful....

Lost: sensE oF selF

You can lose your sense of self in many ways...before i entered this environment(college) i was living the simple life. this place is like biting from the forbiden fruit...you gain knowledge but somethings you can live w/o.
Gettimg wrapped up in "oh am i appealing enough for this guy....is my ass fat enough for that guy" F them/that DoYou "i gotta stay up on the latest trends" WHY? whose standard of dress are you living up to? F them/that DoYou "i want them to like me" for what? so you can conform to THEIR standards f them/that DoYou there are too many bitch ass sheeps in this world.... where are the leaders? since i was young i was told i was different and i must admit i was a slave of society....but im over that bullshit...i refuse to lose my sense of self///

its funny how boring mediocre so called normal people tend to follow the different ones.....how ironic :|

OUT STANDING = STANDING OUT (think about it)

F THEM...IMA DO Me

.:change...the cause of:.

change  /tʃeɪndʒ/ Show Spelled [cheynj
1.to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone: to change one's name; to change one's opinion; to change the course of history.

ever wonder why people or situations change? what causes change? at what point does one consider change?how do you decide whether it is for the good or bad?

{side/note} me knowing everything sucks....but would me being ignorant to the situation be better? i guess what you don't know doesnt kill ya....but what i do know kills me daily

Understanding Self

Pondering a lot of things...life and the existance thereof...its so complex yet so mind boggling. Over this past week I have run into so much insight.

un⋅der⋅stand⋅ing  /ˌʌndərˈstændɪŋ/
–noun
1.mental process of a person who comprehends; comprehension; personal interpretation:
2.intellectual faculties; intelligence; mind:
3.superior power of discernment; enlightened intelligence:
4.knowledge of or familiarity with a particular thing; skill in dealing with or handling something:

self  /sɛlf/
–noun
1.a person or thing referred to with respect to complete individuality: one's own self.
2.a person's nature, character, etc.: his better self.
3.personal interest.

...the key phrases that stick out to me are "superior power of discernment" and "respect to complete individuality"...so many these days like that...everyone wants to claim individualism but lack the power there of. i understand is harder to be yourself in a world that constantly wants you to conform this way and that. Sad Story.

I do have genuine love for those who are in tune with their "star player" :) and love to surround myself with them.

Thank You...

Talking to you today made me realize that what i have is frickin awesome...i almost made a horrible mistake but im good now. just had to step in the unknown to accept the known....you're the greatest:D

crossroads

ughhhhhhhhhh....my mind is so gone its ridiculous...decisions decisions decisions....i feel so weird....imiss...iwant...gosh... i didnt think this would have a affect on me :/

relaxing evening....

having a very relaxing evening...tonight i ponder on some things such as im always worried about a if the person im with would leave me for a childhood friend or this or that....but i really dont care because maybe that person should think vice versa...im tired of worring about negativ things....i know im a good catch...

the post was a good ego booster....gnight:)

hmmm....

so i'm chillin with a homeboy of mine who has been broken up from his girl for awhile.....he constantly says he is over her and that they have agreed that they should have not been together from the jump and yadda yadda yadda.....well he gets a call from her and goes out into the hall to answer it....i was like dude you can talk in here ill be quiet, that wasn't good enough for him so not only does he go down the hall but he goes down 2 stories in the building....like is it that serious!?

he obviously still loves her...

why i do the things i do.

...when im upset i leave subliminal statements....when im happy i do the same...people dont like it because they feel its directed to them and sometimes it is. the thing i find interesting is that you(and yes i use you...because more than likely you know im talkin to you) dont approach me about it before making assumptions...and dont think im hypocritical in that statement because i try to approach you in the situation but you dont understand/get it so therefore i blog hoping someone will hear me...and even if they dont....it doesnt bother me....im just glad i got it out my system....because bottling things up...isnt good for my health

ps. this was subliminal

fly

i <3 Fafi's creativity....i admire people who aren't afraid of bein in tune with their star player ;)

Born and raised in Toulouse, France, Fafi is best known for "images of sexy and liberated Japanese anime girls called "Fafinettes".

.:would you:.

things that i will not settle for:

• people who are do as i say not as i do (f you!)
• those who want help but dont help (f you too! and please stop callin me because you have no one else)
• those who want the perfect girl but dont want to put in the effort for the perfect guy (like lil jackie said "im not into realtionships....they dont work out cuz im not equipped"....hot ish.....download it)

look i know ima be succesful....right now my outlook just looks a lil fuzzy....i will be with that person who was always there for me and didnt bs me during the process.....not in a rush but you get the point...like drake song says im the f'n best.....so therefore i need.....no not NEED but would like somone to view me as such :)

you gotta start somewhere...

so whats the hold up you ask? well after being discombobulated by all this html crap i finally threw in the towel....and just settle for on eof the pre chosen templates....this'll do just fine....im not that picky...

1st

hello world